I fake lose stuff

What's your shtick? I mean, what is your trademark thing to do? Mine is to fake lose stuff. (And of course sometimes, to *actually* lose stuff).

What is fake losing stuff? It's when you discover you have lost something important, like, oh, I don't know, let's say: your wallet; your ipod; your camera; your boarding pass; your keys; your prescription glasses; one of your check-in bags. You know, *important* stuff. You search everywhere, try to remember when you last had whatever it is you don't seem to have anymore. You come up with a dozen plausible scenarios for where it could be, search each of those places, then search them again 2 or 3 times more (just because you maybe didn't search properly the first time?)

If you're me, at this point your thinking is going something like this "Well well. You've done gone and lost something again. Surprise surprise. You are once again, a loser, Well might as well accept it and move on, you'll never see that [ipod/camera/keys/other lost item] again. No point moping about it, loser."

It's some time after this chain of thought that the universe Sha-Zams you by enabling your "lost" item to magically resurface and reunite with you (often, in my case, with significant assistance from a kindly friend/relative/shop owner/bus driver/police officer/cafe barista etc.

So is there any way to spot a fake lose from a real lose? Not really, because almost any "real" lose has the potential to one day instantaneously become a fake lose, should the thought-to-be-lost item one day mysteriously re-appear. My personal trick for tipping the universe towards converting a real lose to a fake lose is the acceptance bit. When faced with a lost item, one must not panic. One must realise and accept that one is a loser, who is barely capable of running one's own life properly, who cannot master the basic principle of keeping one's possessions in one's possession, and who should just accept this fact with grace. Then, and only then, might the Universe reward you with a fake lose.